THE HORSE LOVER`S LAMENT - Bill Fortner

(Sung to the tune of "Rawhide")
Ridin`, ridin`, ridin,
Oh, how I do love ridin`
Can`t get enough horse ridin`
RAWHIDE
In any kind of weather,
My ass is cravin` leather,
I can not wait until I get to ride!
It`s ALWAYS such a pleasure;
A joy I can not measure.
It does such wondrus things to me inside!
Moanin`, moanin`, moanin`
Yes my ass is swollen
In just 3 miles I`m groanin`
RAWHIDE
This buck, crowhop, and flutter
Has turned my legs to butter
I`m wishing that I had already died.
All the things I`m missin`
My soap op`ras and dishes
Like a dream are passin` by my eyes.
Runnin`, jumpin`, leapin`
Yes my eyes are weepin`
I wish I were home sleepin`
RAWHIDE
Blazin` way past lopin`
My lycra jeans are smokin`
Amazing! Since I think they`re soaked in brine.
My heart is palpatatin`
My liver`s dislocatin`
My God! I just got strangled by a vine.
Bitchin`, bitchin`, bitchin`
Now my crotch is itchin`
I could be home a stitchin`
RAWHIDE
Horse did a "Snowy River"
MID AIR! My heart`s a quiver
Damn fool thinks that he`s an aeroplane!
Though I am still a sailin`
My altitude is failin`
I think this horse is totally insane!
Prayin`, prayin`, prayin`
It`s too late for sayin`
I wish I was home playin`
RAWHIDE
My raspy throat`s a thirstin`
My drawers are filled to burstin`
Head to toe I know I`m black and blue.
This horse is nine tenths devil,
I`ll say this on the level,
If I survive I`m thinking barbecue!
Cussin`, cussin`, cussin`,
I`m eloquently cussin`,
I need NEW words for cussin`,
RAWHIDE
There`s one thing I`m a hatin`
There`ll be no procreatin`
I just landed on the saddle horn!
The pain`s excrutiatin`
No ambulance a waitin`
I curse the day that I was ever born.
Whinin`, whinin`, whinin`
My poor heart is pinin`
I could have been out dinin`
RAWHIDE
Hell bent through briar and thicket,
O`er barbed wire, post, and picket,
I`m clinging for dear life as on we fly.
If I can find the stable,
And get off if I`m able,
I`ll never ride again and that`s no lie!
Seein`, seein`, seein`,
I can`t believe I`m seein`
Yes my eyes are seein`
THE BARN
Around the bend I see it!
Too fast to stop! Oh sheyut!
I`m in the air again ... this time alone!
A triple flip `fore landin`,
Then on my feet a standin`.
A SUPER RIDE it was now that I`m home!!!
Chorus:
Horse broke wind! What a stink!
Oh my back! Broke I think!
Broke a nail! Need a drink!
RAWHIDE
Lost a spur, banged my knee,
Bumped my head ... on a tree,
Mercy sakes! Woe is me!
RAWHIDE